If you read my other ramblings, you’ll know I do a lot of trail running. My crazy bestie and I did the mother load of all races, a 100 mile footrace through dirt and sand and hills (and tears) this past March.

That race was awesome, on so many levels. It taught me so very much about so many things. My inner babble, my will, my pain tolerance…and mostly, about the joy of accomplishment.

Never had I been more prepared.

Never had I studied more.

Never had I visualized so creatively.

Never had I trained harder.

And we kicked its ass (well, it actually kind of kicked ours, but we DID finish it – proudly).

If you’ve been at the proverbial finish line of that kind of accomplishment; if you know how remarkable it is to see your body do extraordinary things simply because your mind tells it too – well, it’s quite… liberating.

It’s like – sort of knowing a secret. A secret you’ve heard others talk about – one that you never really expect to unearth – yet because you accomplished that “so hard goal”, the secret just becomes known to you.

The secret is simply this. YOU CAN DO THIS. That is it! And once you know it, you realize YOU CAN DO ANYTHING.

And that my friends, is powerful, and a bit addicting.

When we finished our long awaited 100 miler, there was a bit of “ummm OK now what?”

I did take a few months off. Won’t lie – training for, then running 100 miles takes its toll, and I definitely needed some downtime.

But it’s been 9 months, and I am getting antsy.

My body, but more so my brain, is circling round and round – wanting to get back on the “let’s go kick some ass” rollercoaster.

I am craving a challenge. I salivate to tick off the baby steps that are going to get me to meet a new goal.

So, as we close 2015, I take stock of what my body is doing, where my head is at, look hard at the time I have for training, and start doing some research on the IRONMAN.

2 miles of swimming, 101 miles of biking and 26.2 miles of running. Cutoff of 17 hours.

Listen, it ain’t nothing to sneeze at. This is going to be tough.

But, the way I look at it, I overcame heat stroke, torn muscles, shredded tendons, 9 out of 10 lost toenails over 33 hours of hills and sand and high altitude for the 100 miler…

Fuck yeah, I can do this.

I choke on the steep registration fee ($750), yet feel that familiar rush as I accept my electronic terms and await my “congratulations you are now registered for an IRONMAN email to hit my inbox.

I AM DOING AN IRONMAN!

I know what the coming months will bring; hours upon hours of training, loads of money, prescriptive and proper nutrition, early nights, earlier mornings, double workouts 6 days a week, maniacally googling training plans, eating tips, no social life.

But I CAN’T WAIT.

I can’t wait to push myself, to see what I am made of. See what this body, and this mind, will do.

My friend and I, during our last training period for the 100 miler, often ran 20-30 miles on the weekend. We would occasionally celebrate by going out to eat, drink too much tequila, and dance. Sometimes we even ended up at the local tattoo parlor and got a fair share of small, random tattoos (one even got spelled wrong , which is what happens when middle aged women act like college-aged knuckleheads…).

But, I need that blow off after so much training, and it goes without saying that there will inevitably be more tattoos, recovery drinks and boogie sessions in my future.

And it has been well known to me those who finish IRONMAN races, get IRONMAN tattoos. It is just a “thing” those crazy athletes do.

So one of my first commitments to this crazy endeavor was an acknowledgement to my husband that I will indeed, be getting that IRONMAN tattoo!

I was the first to put the 100 mile sticker on my truck  – it’s something I am proud of, and don’t mind showcasing it for all those who pass me to see.

Yet, when I spent some time chewing on it…something inside of me recognizes this one is different.

I haven’t told anyone other than my bestie and my husband that I am doing this race.

I haven’t posted it on Facebook, or “liked” the IRONMAN page to passive aggressively hint so that others can figure it out.

Nah, this one, it’s just for me.

I can’t quite put my finger on why. But, well I just want to hold on to this one for a little bit. I don’t think I am going to need to put a sticker on my truck, or a tattoo on my calf when I finish it (see how that power of visualization works? It’s not even a question I will finish it or not, it’s happening), but this one I want to keep close.

That doesn’t mean tequila blitzes after a long week of training along with some random pool hall dance parties (and maybe even some other tattoos, spelled properly) aren’t going to happen.

But I think this body will remain IRONMAN tattoo free.

The accomplishment will live in me, my heart. My soul.

The accomplishment will drive me to push myself when parenting gets hard, or that job I really want seems impossible.

I have finally come to realize this accomplishment (yes this is me still visualizing by the way), is a different level of understanding the secret.

My first level of secret understanding was I CAN DO ANYTHING.

And I am not entirely sure what the secret of this goal finish will be for me.

But man, I can’t wait to find out.