They say you are the average sum of the 5 people you hang out with most. I don’t know who “they” are, but trust me, this is a thing.

If that is true, I am the weak link of my group. My ambitious best friend is getting her PhD and mentoring youth. Another dear friend is a jewelry designer and interior decorator launching her own line of products. One other, an excellent cook who just started her own catering business, is always looking at new products and recipes to launch. My own husband has his own business and is starting two new side businesses and spends all his time studying and learning!

My friends, my husband – they are following their passions. They have discovered what brings them joy, and are pursuing those things as they launch in to this period of their adulthood with zest, drive and determination.

Me?

I seem to get paralyzed even thinking about my next steps.

I have this deep, ongoing retrospective analysis of who I want to be, how I want to live, what I want on my tombstone. And yet, I get stumped every time I try to wrap my brain around what that really looks like.

I. have. No. Clue.

I have a solid career, which keeps me busy on the “now”, but that “what is next” I yearn to find.

For years, I have been sticking to physical challenges, because they are easy. Well, not easy, but simple. Sign up, find a training plan and stick to it. There is not much thought to it. Swim, bike, run.  Do it. Get some massages, invest in some KT Tape and ice packs. Then, use your brain and get through race day. And I will proudly say, I’ve done some really hard stuff.

I’ve pushed through a 100 mile Ultra marathon (and many other distances in between) and recently, an Ironman (the 100-miler was WAY harder in case you were wondering).  I made up my mind and did it. And I am super proud of that fierce determination. But seriously, it’s black and white, sign up, train, and go.

But, thing is, it’s not the rest of my life; it’s not filling my desire to better the world and it’s not making me money sending me into retirement (I am 44, I know I have a ways to go, but want to plant those seeds now).

So here I sit on a flight from the West Coast to the East Coast, a bit medicated with just the right combination of Xanax and Caffeine (I don’t particularly love flying), and I find my mind wandering aimlessly back to this “what now”. I just finished the Ironman last weekend and that old familiar feeling of “what is next” starts screwing with me.

As Blondie shouts “one way or another” through my bitchin noise cancelling headphones, I actually have a mini- revelation.

I’m just going to do my shit. I have that “there is so much to do in life” on my list. I am just going to move and do them. They are little things, but whose to say following them, won’t lead me to that Great Big Mission of Mine I yearn to find?

I have a piano in my house. I like playing it. I suck and it’s out of tune, but I am going to call, schedule an appointment, get it tuned and sign up for some piano lessons.

I also am Reiki-level one. I want to get back to that. I am going to find a Reiki teacher and brush up and go take a class. I’m a hippie at heart, who knows what that will lead to.

I love African dancing. I can’t find any in my area, but I haven’t looked for a while. But I am going to google and look and do and go.

I love to surf. We live near the beach and my husband is a huge surfer, so I am going to go master that whitewash!

We got new mountain bikes – I am going to ride new trails we haven’t ridden yet (and have fun with the ones I know like the back of my hand).

I am done with training plans and scheduled 4am workouts…I want to move to have fun. Not to beat a race goal. But for the sheer joy of being outdoors and moving.

I was vegan for a long time. We changed course due to my daughters health issues, but she is grown and leading her own life now, it’s time to go back to what I believed in for so long.

And, I love old people; I am certified in massage and visit hospice bi-weekly. Maybe there is something there with massage and Reiki that I can use to help them somehow.

I’m just going to do it. How cliche is that? Thank you Nike -but I am just going to move.

Analysis Paralysis = immobility. Immobility = death. Figuratively and literally.

My favorite bible verse is “For I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me”.  I have it tattooed on my wrist. I believe in this. I can do All Things. Big and small. But God doesn’t lay down a Golden Path in front of us…we have to work, identify and make our own bold steps and then under Him, all things ARE possible.

Life is too short, and I do really hate that saying  “there is too much to do and not enough time to do it all.”

But I realized that “All” is my ongoing list.

We all have them. What is on yours?

Well, I’m just gonna go. I’m gonna do. I want to die with the shortest list possible…all the “alls” scratched off one by one.

Don’t you?